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I got humiliated in a catfight

She was really strong, heavy set, and aggressive, Her weight was all on my back, and I was helpless. I remember trying to breathe and gargling mud in my mouth. She then lifted my head up and threw my head back into the mud. I just lay there crying and barely conscious. Mud was all over my face in my mouth and all over my upper body. I was so humiliated. She drove off as I lay there crying for almost 10 minutes. I felt so worthless after that and weak. I never called the police because I was a cross-dresser and did not want anyone to know. I never saw Jamar again. I was sick for days and felt so worthless. After a couple of weeks, I began to jack off to Jamars pics again. Im still affected by that fight to this day.